Because I couldn`t keep my promise...
by Miaka4
Summary: It´s a sad Touya/Yuki/Yue Fic! Don`t want to spoil it so I´m not saying anything else! And...it`s Shonen Ai!!


Yo minna!! This is my first CCS Fic and my first Fanfic in English!! Don`t be to hard on me, if there are any wrong spellings or something like that!!!  
  
If you are offended by maleXmale relationship don`t go on reading!! For me, the best thing about CCS is definitly the love between To-ya and Yuki, so that`s what the fic is about!!^_- Hope you like it!!  
  
****************************************  
  
Because I couldn`t keep my promise...  
  
by Miaka/Izzy-kun  
  
  
  
The day Yukito disappeared has been the worst day in my whole life...It`s not, that I couldn`t do anything about it...I have been the one who let him disappear. I let him disappear, becauce I couldn`t cope with his pain about losing his most important person.  
  
Oh maybe it was because his pain increased mine in such an enormous way, I could hardly keep breathing.  
  
So it had been the easiest way to just let Yukito disappear, because I was used to live with suffering from the loss of a beloved person.  
  
I just started to feel love for another person after Clow - only to be separated from him again. A cruel twist of fate one would suppose, but wrong...It was all my fault...because I couldn`t keep my promise.  
  
*********************************************  
  
"Sakura!!"  
  
"Sakura-chan!!!"  
  
Yue watched in horror as an enormous energie ball was racing towards his mistress. The girl couldn`t move and neither could he. The moon guardian grittet his teeth, and tried to stand up, but it was no use. He simply couldn`t move. The water demons spell was too strong.  
  
'I`m supposed to protect her...DAMN IT!" Yue cursed. His mistress would get hurt, or even killed, and the only thing he could do was to watch it helplessly. He saw the fear in Sakura`s eyes as the power was about to hit her, but it never reached its goal.  
  
Just in time a tall figure rushed between the girl and the energie ball. A huge explosion followed and Yue was blinded by the light that was created by it.  
  
Who was the person, that saved his mistress?! It couldn`t have been Kerberos, for he was also trapped by the spell and the Chinese Boy wasn`t a choice either for he just kneeled right behind Sakura. So who....  
  
Yue`s eyes widened in shock as he recognized his mistress saviour.  
  
"ONII-CHAN!!!!" Sakura screamed, as she saw her brother standing in front of her, barely able to hold himself on his feet. His shirt had been torn to peaces and there were bruises all over his back. The girl wanted to run to him, but was held back by Shaolan`s cry.  
  
"Destroy it, Sakura!!! Before it strikes again!!" That made some sense to the young girl and quickly she used the "Firey" card to defeat her opponent.  
  
In the meantime, her brother would have beenfalling towards the hard ground, if it hadn`t been for Yue, who had been able to break the spell, to catch him. Without realizing it, the moon guardian transformed back to his "false" form.  
  
Tsukishiro Yukito looked obviously scared to death, at the young man in his arms.  
  
"To-ya..."  
  
**************************************  
  
I remember how my other form felt just too good...endless fear, becauce he didn`t know what exactly had happend and most of all, because he didn`t know, what was going to happen...or maybe because he didn`t want to know...  
  
But I knew it right at that moment, that there would be no chance of saving Touya - and it broke my heart! If I had been able to move....If I had fullfilled my duty....  
  
**************************************  
  
As he heard the voice of his "most important person", Kinomoto Touya slowly opened his eyes.  
  
"Yuki..."  
  
It seemed to take all of his strength to just say that name, because he sighed deeply and then shut his eyes in pain.  
  
Yukito began to tremble, as he slowly realized what was going to happen.  
  
No! His mind screamed helplessly - this couldn`t be true! To-ya wasn`t going to...  
  
The slight movement of the body in his arms, brought him back to reality.  
  
"Shh To-ya...just don`t move, I will get a doctor or we will get you to a hospital! Just don`t move, okay?"  
  
As the silver-haired boy tried to stand up the trembling voice of Touya held him back.  
  
"Don`t leave...please...don`t leave me..."  
  
Yukito felt like beeing slapped across the face, by the words...or more by the desparate tone in his lovers voice.  
  
"To-ya..." His own voice trembled, as he settled himself again, but he tried to regain his control. 'Just don`t cry...' he told himself and even forced a small smile onto his lips.  
  
"Don`t worry...I won`t leave you...never..."  
  
Those words brought a smile to the brown-haired youth and he sighed, somehow releaved.  
  
"Yuki...I..." He moaned softly, surpressing the pain, that shot through his body, as he tried to speak.  
  
"Don`t speak! Please...or..." But Touya wasn`t going to listen.  
  
"I have to tell you something...please..." His face now showed all the pain he was feeling , but he couldn`t leave before telling Yukito what he felt. It would have been easy to just give into darkness but he couldn`t leave like that.  
  
"Yuki...my..most important...person...arigato...arigato for everything you gave to  
  
me...for being with me...loving me...."  
  
The boy closed his eyes to regain the little strength he had. As he opened them again, he felt sadness fall over his heart. Tears had been formed in Yukitos eyes, and they  
  
showed such tremendious pain, Touya just wanted to take his boyfriend in his arms and tell him that everything was going to be allright. But he know, that he couldn`t.  
  
"Don`t cry....I`ll always be by your side...`cause I love you more than anything in the world..."  
  
Yukito nodded and tried not to let his tears fall. He saw how hard it was for Touya to stay as calm as possible...to not lose control in fear of dying in front of Sakura, who was weeping next to them. Shaolan was holding her in his arm gently stroking her hair - trying to comfort her.  
  
"And Yuki...." Touya`s voice brought him back once more.  
  
"Please protect Sakura for me...and yourself...because I won`t be able to do that anymore..."  
  
That just did it! The pain fully stroke Yukitos heart and he felt like it would burst any second. Just as he was going to scream he began to glow and an angelic kreature had token his place  
  
Even though Yue wanted to keep Yukito from crying he couldn`t stop the single silvery tear, that escaped his eye.  
  
******************************************  
  
I never cried in my whole live - not even as Clow left me - but that situation had been to much. There he was dying and the only thing he could do was being brave for his sister and worrying about the savety of his most beloved people.  
  
I would have died from the pain right there, if I hadn`t transformed into my true form to put Yukito into the back of my mind. So much pain, in just one heart...nobody could endure that. It was enough, that I felt my own pain. Pain because of loosing my special person...and pain because of guilt.  
  
Guilty because I couldn`t keep my promise...  
  
Flashback  
  
"So we finally meet. What`s your name?"  
  
Touya was looking at the beautiful angel in front of him, smiling warmly.  
  
"Yue." was the short reply.  
  
"Yukito wanted you to know...about me and him."  
  
Touya just kept smiling.  
  
"You said you wouldn`t let us dissapear."  
  
Just a nod from the smiling boy.  
  
"You know, what you have to do?"  
  
"Aa. You can have my power. All of it."  
  
"You will never see your mother again."  
  
A flash of pain shot throught Touyas eyes and Yue regretted that statement immediatly.  
  
"It`s not fair, than only I can see her...demo...I won`t be able to protect Sakura anymore...Would you do that for me?"  
  
He gazed straight into the moon guardian`s eyes, knowing the answer already.  
  
"There`s no need to ask. I`d protect her anyway."  
  
"I`m asking anyway! Protect her...and yourself...Yuki....protect everyone!"  
  
Yue just looked at him, still no emotions showing on his face.  
  
"Is that all you want for your magic?"  
  
Touya smiled again. "Aa."  
  
"It`s a deal then."  
  
A soft chuckle escaped the mistress` brother`s lips. "Your aren`t so different from each other...Yuki to anata!!"  
  
End of flashback  
  
I still know exactly what I felt at that moment. Touya was looking at me with so much love, I could have never resisted him. I would have done anything to just be with him.  
  
And at that moment I would also have promised him anything just to keep me from dissapearing. But he only asked for this little thing, that had been my duty all along...and what did I do...  
  
I failed.  
  
**********************************************  
  
Touya smiled warmly at the moon guardian, who held him gently in his arms.  
  
"So I get to say goodbye to you as well...."  
  
Yue surpressed the tears, that tried to reach his eyes. He couldn`t stand it anymore. The love in those beautiful brown eyes - love usually only shown to his false self - love, that was meant for him...it was too much.  
  
"Forgive me....I..."  
  
Yue was stopped by a gentle finger placed softly on his trembling lips.  
  
"Don`t...there is nothing to be sorry....It wasn`t your fault..."  
  
Amethyst eyes widened, just to be half closed again. How could he say that? It was his fault and his alone! If he had fullfilled his duty - had kept his promise - Touya wouldn`t be dying right now!!!!  
  
Touya saw the emotional pain Yue was going through, so he slowly moved his hand to the angels cheak and gently caressed it.  
  
"You know, that I love you too, don`t you..." He brought Yue´s face down to his and soflty kissed him.  
  
That was the last thing that Yue needed to finally break down. He couldn`t hold back his tears anymore. Never before a person had told him that he loved him! Not even Clow did...not with that special meaning anyway.  
  
He held Touya`s body close to his and silently cried, burying his face in his lovers chest.  
  
"And so do I....I love you To-ya..."  
  
*****************************************  
  
How could he love me? I never showed any affection towards him and still...  
  
But that was the way Touya had been.  
  
Even without his power he was able to see things others couldn`t...he could see right into my heart - and with just one look he easily shoved away the pain.  
  
And now he will never look at me again...I will never see his beautiful eyes shining with so much love - a love without I don`t want to live...  
  
*****************************************  
  
Touya`s smile slowly faded as he felt, that he couldn`t endure the pain any longer. Just with one look into his eyes Yue knew what was going to happen, so he changed back to give Yukito the chance to be with his love `til the end.  
  
"Yu...ki..." Touya breathed, not able to speak aloud. Tears were staring to form in his eyes as he realized, that it would be the last time being so close to the one that had saved his heart from the loneliness he had once felt. Slowly one tear was rolling down his now pale cheak only to be gently wiped away by Yukitos soft hand.  
  
"I`m here...by your side To-ya...don`t be scared...." The silver haired youth bent down and tenderly kissed the dying boy.  
  
That brought Touya`s smile back again.  
  
"I love you....always...."  
  
He breathed in deeply for one last time and than laid still.  
  
"To...To-ya..." Yukito whispered, emotions running wildly through his body.  
  
He would never hear his lovers voice again...would never see his loving smile again....would never feel the soft touch of those affectionate hands on his skin again...  
  
He felt the loneliness gripping his heart tearing it apart...and realization finally hit Yukito.  
  
Touya had died in his arms.  
  
He clutched tightly to the silent body in his arms and began to cry heavily. His slim frame was shaken by painfull sobs that came deep down from his soul. He was than once more engulfed in bright light and transformed into the moon guardian.  
  
"Again....This time I really thought you wouldn`t leave me..."  
  
Feeling even more empty than before Yue gave into Yukito`s tears.  
  
Sakura watched the whole scene in total shock and when it finally hit her, that her brother would never open his eyes again, a heartbreaking scream escaped her lips, echoing through the night.  
  
******************************************  
  
I will never love again...And this time I´m sure of it. You just met the right persion once in a lifetime, even if this lifetime means eternity.  
  
Better to just live with my pain instead of letting Yukito live and be tortured by both - his and my loneliness.  
  
I have all rights to let him dissapear from the world - and Touya himself even gave me a reason...  
  
Flashback  
  
"I feel so empty...so unreal....everything I believed in has turned out to be a lie....no memories are real..."  
  
Yukito bent his head sadly, fighting back the tears, that were about to well up in his golden eyes. Suddenly he looked up as Touya gently took his hand holding it to his heart.  
  
"Every memory `till we met is real...every day...every emotion...And it doesn`t matter what has been in the past - nothing matters as long as we are together..."  
  
End of Flashback  
  
Yukito`s existenz was only needed, when he had his most important person by his side.  
  
And now that Touya is gone, there is no need for me to transform ever again...  
  
The day Touya died, Yukito died along with him...and the last piece of emotion, that was left in my broken heart...  
  
...only because I couldn`t keep my promise....  
  
~owari~ 


End file.
